Visit with Ron on 1/28

So...

Kristi and I came over the the hospital around 5:30 and dad was alone and sitting up in his chair when we arrived. Upon walking in, he threw up his hands and made a face as if to say, "Well, finally! There you are... where the hell you been?!?!?!" He was also mouthing some words which I could not make out but his expression was one of exasperation and annoyance. I started to ask him what was up and whether he needed a nurse or needed something/someone. He motioned that he wanted to use the pen-board, which was a great sign, so Kristi and I assisted in getting the pen set up right and went about trying to decipher his writing. Although it took a number of trials of him writing words and us confirming them, then erasing his scribble and writing out what he had wrote clearly, we ended up with the phrase, "my sisters pich meup" (i.e. "My sisters pick me up").
When we finally got it, we looked at him to confirm, "Dad?... are you trying to write 'my sisters pick me up'?" He nodded very strongly and made the hand motion of "you get me out of here"... pointing to the door repeatedly and tapping the pen board. Kristi and I looked at each other in silence b/c we weren't sure how to react to this. Frankly, I was a bit freaked out at first... like, "Holy shit, is he actually under the impression that he's supposed to be getting out of here today?"... Anyways, I spoke up, "Dad... you think that your sisters are supposed to pick you up today? (he emphatically nods yes)... Did someone from the hospital tell you that you were supposed to be leaving today or being picked up? (he nods no)... OK... so, basically, you just really want your sisters to get pick you up and get you the hell out of here? (he nods yes again with a sigh)... (of course, Kristi starts to break down after she hears this and cries and says, "Sorry buddy... we can't get you outta here yet but we're really working on it")
I told him that this was not going to be the case and he did his, "head turning to the side, and eyes periodically closing" thing (exasperated and frustrated looks). I went into the timeline of his recovery- about how the doctors told him the other day how his recovery was slow at first but was getting better and better- but how also that it would get harder and harder to do the rehab. Once his pneumonia is kicked they'll move him to the other floor and they'll begin the physical rehab a lot... and how also they're going to downgrade his traech to a smaller size and possibly very soon insert a traech that will allow air flow through his mouth so that he can start to talk and begin speech therapy. He seemed to feel a bit better about this and we sorta cheered him up by cleaning his nails and clipping them and telling him about some movies that were coming out.
After we established that he "knew" that he was not supposed to leave that day, he kept pointing to the board and pointing to the door, so I asked, "well, do you want me to call one of your sisters", which he emphatically said yes to, so I called Cath and she sorta walked him off the ledge for a couple minutes. It seemed to make him feel better, but he still sorta looked like he actually THOUGHT that he was supposed to leave that day... I still feel as though he must have had a dream or something because he was totally looking like he knew he should leave that day.

Anyways, we stayed around for an hour or two and then took off. It was, however, the single most fucked-up ordeal of this whole experience for me... I can't even describe it. It really did destroy me for a number of hours and I left completely deflated and depressed... It's completely unconscionable that I actually thought that he was losing it for a second... maybe he was completely confused... I don't know. But his face when I told him that his sisters were not going to break him outta there today completely annihilated me.

Anyways, I just had to share that with everyone. Definately not trying to depress anyone, or anything, but just make sure that you emphasize how he keeps getting better and that he doesn't really have that much more time (comparatively) to go through this stuff. I don't know where he got that idea from, but it must have come from somewhere.

Love you all-

Pat